On Facebook a few days ago I
gave a warning. Warning read as thus,
“Note for
this weekend: If you do not want to invoke the wrath of the Irish and an educator,
do not say 50 Shades of Grey is the example of a good relationship or that it
represents BDSM. Main reason is that I will yell at you and show you what those
two things SHOULD look like. Sincerely, She Who Knows Too Much”
Why did I write this? Well
for one, as a member in the entertainment business I have two reoccurring
reactions to both the book and the movie. Reaction 1: SEMPAI HOW COULD YOU?!?!
*dumps all hopes of working for Universal in the trash* Reaction 2: They call
that a good example of bondage and a safe, healthy relationship?
Okay, turning less manic now.
Everyone on social media might be scratching their head at this. I have
self-proclaimed that I’ve learned all written genres, this includes erotica –
and yes even dabbled into what readers would call the taboo erotica for the
sake of learning. I learned how to write details in setting through a book on
how to write erotica. So I’ve made it a point to be self-educated on my craft
to know every single thing about how to write a good story. No genre was
crossed off of the learning list. I learned them all.
I’m two weeks from finishing
my Creative Writing BA and everything about 50 Shades of Grey contradicts what
people in the media should be doing and what I have been taught. Considering
I’m young in the industry, I’m putting my neck out there by writing this review
while boycotting the entire franchise of this book turned movie. Yet, because I
am young in this industry I’m able to write about this from an angle that
doesn’t involve the greed from the franchise. That being said, I’m throwing
caution to the wind because this is utterly stupid, frustrating, and shameful.
The problems I have with
anything in my choice of industry are inaccuracies. (AKA what we call “bad”
research skills.) Literally, classmates could probably write a short novel on
that pet peeve of mine just based off of how often I write essays on it. So in
summary my biggest problems with 50 Shades of Grey are the inaccuracies,
misleading information, and (of course) the abuse concept. All of the above
show why I have boycotted this. I’ve thumbed through it at the bookstore and –
as an English and Communications major who has taken one too many crisis
workshops – I was thoroughly appalled.
Reviews I’ve seen just of
the movie show how disturbed we females of sane mind are by the abuse aspect.
He puts himself in complete control when they started dating. That is the
number one red flag for abuse. Personally, I’ve experienced that kind abuse and
use that to write my villains. Such experience should not be idolized. You hear
that fellow writers/would be writers/my sempais? We (of the industry) need to
stop idolizing abuse! We’re on a platform for god’s sake. The one platform that
leaves an eternal legacy that lasts centuries. Think Shakespeare knew his stuff
would be loved and used long after his death? Probably not considering the
folios was published after his death – the point is that we, artists and
writers, create immortality. Our artwork and writings out live us by centuries
and maybe even longer. Abusive relationships in books or films are not worth
immortalizing unless said abuser is the antagonist who the hero destroys to
smithereens. To have it be represented as anything else is an injustice to all
of the women (and men) in the world who have suffered and died from domestic
violence.
Okay, Annie, the franchise is over glamorizing abuse.
What about the misinformation part?
Simple question on that is
“What do you think BDSM is/means?” Depending on the answer you have either been
completely misled thanks to the media, don’t know what it is, or have some idea
and never tried it. For you who have no idea what I am talking about with the
inaccuracies in this I’ll summarize.
BDSM is more than just
bondage. BD stands for Bondage while SM stands for sadism and masochism. Players
in BDSM are known as Dom (the person who momentarily dominates a person) and
Sub (submissive), and what they do together is called a scene. As the name
implies, a scene is a fantasy. The fantasy is what the dom creates and both dom
and sub follow. Rule of conduct with that is sub has a safe word, if dom hears
the safe word everything stops. I repeat, if safe word is said it stops. If
safe motion is done, it stops. At any time the sub can stop the scene and the
dom respects that. (If dom does not respect that then that person should not be
a dom in the first place.) BDSM is about safe play and respect. Yes, there are
things such as power play (mind play) where the dialogue makes it look like
it’s abusive but as I said above it is a planned fantasy. Another thing about
said scene is that once it is done there is after care. Dom takes care of
his/her sub after a scene. This could mean giving the person a relaxing bath,
watch movies, massage, etc. That’s the difference between the fictional
character a dom comes up with and an abuser. Dom cares, abuser goes away. Also,
what happens in a scene (bondage specifically) stays in the scene. That means
that once dom and sub leave the scene they go back to being normal people.
So why do people do it? I’ve
heard everything about how it clears the mind, releases stress, and brings
fresh ideas to the bedroom. Some writers have even showed it as a method of
liberation by releasing control to another person. It just depends on
preference. Everyone has his or her flavor of excitement. I’ve met people who
find articles on how those with kinks have better health. Don’t know if that’s
true or not but I’ll say those I know who have that kind of preference are some
of the happiest and healthiest couples I know. Also, psychologically we’re
meant to be curious about what is considered forbidden by the society we grew
up in. Sometimes it’s a healthy habit as long as you research it and
communicate it properly to your partner.
That being said, I urge
fellow writers to set a better standard next time around. Editors, I beg you to
focus on quality and not the pretty green thing. I also urge readers who want
that kind of thing to look for authors who focus on writing healthy
relationships. If you want a list, message me and I’ll gladly give you the
names of my personal favorites who set the relationship standard on fictional
characters at the right level.
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